You guys just as a disclaimer: Home gurl doesn't have much of a filter left and this post is a little spicy. So if you're easily offended or you think perhaps you don't live in a glass house then you have stumbled upon my blog by sheer accident and should definitely move on to a more refined writer...because I am definitely not the one!
Seriously, this is just a morning in my life, it's not even an entire day...Lord help me!
My kids have a lot of gadgets and I have come to realize my son's tiny little Fornite Llama Bluetooth speaker is just amazing. It seriously out shines my five below speaker that I have been in love with since May 2019. I have been shamelessly using the llama when I take showers to blast songs from Lizzo and Post Malone to Counting Crows...because honestly, my playlists are seriously random.
This morning I had the rare pleasure of waking up to an empty bed. My son had come in to say good morning and tell me to have a good day already, since he leaves with his dad like 30 minutes before the girls and I. For anyone who's not married yet, it is a pleasure to wake up in an empty bed sometimes. I promise you there will come a point where you will wonder as a parent and spouse if you will ever get any alone time and I can tell you that the answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT!
I sincerely apologize if I am about to offend anyone but I absolutely warned you.
So, I think I am in the clear and I decide that I have time to rub one off before I get up to get ready for the day. I grab my phone to watch some adult footage. I get like two minutes into this clip and all of a sudden there's no sound but I hear moaning coming from the hallway. In that moment it occurred to me that prior to the moaning I had also heard that infamous Bluetooth sound chime just before the moaning started. That's right you guys...my son while brushing his teeth with his sisters in the bathroom right outside my bedroom door, was distracted by his own speaker and just pressed the power button on that little llama for no effing reason! Of course my phone had been the last device it was linked to and well now you get the picture!
I have never found the setting icon and turned my own Bluetooth off so fast in my life. I paused the video and hid the phone under my covers as if I am the teenager hiding from my parents. My son who is no fool comes back into my room after brushing his teeth (which he has never done) just to say good bye again. You can imagine the huge chestier cat smile on this kids face. He knows that none of the kids were on devices this morning. He then asked me if everything was okay. I am literally sweating and I can only imagine what my face looked like. I answered that I was fine and I kind of chuckled nervously.
He leaves and I hear the front door of the house open and close because he really left all the way this time, to meet his dad and go to school. So I am still insistent on capitalizing on this empty bed and having five minutes to myself. I am thinking with my Bluetooth safely off what could happen, right?
Well I am about 30 seconds from the best start to a morning I can think of and in walks my boyfriend. I kid you not! Usually when he has a headache and he's up all night or falls asleep downstairs and I won't see him in the morning until I make my way downstairs cause he can't deal with the lights and drawers opening and closing and all the loud things of morning. But not today, of course not today! Today, the poor thing never went to sleep and he walks in on me 30 seconds from pure bliss. I looked at him and said "Seriously, I just needed 30 more seconds!". I am not entirely sure he even knows what I meant, he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow presumably not bothered by outburst in the least.
I am shaking my fist Bluetooth!
Never a dull moment, never five minutes to myself, wouldn't change it for the world!
#icantstoplaughing #caniget30seconds #bluetoothisthedevil
